Little Kikuchiyo spent the past twelve hours screaming at the top of his lungs. Great joy. I'm quite sure he was detailing the 10,000 reasons he respects and adores me, but my lovely wife wasn't convinced (the exclusivity of the father-son bond reigns). To the point, over the past twelve hours, I had the sincere pleasure of changing noble Throckmorton a healthy ten times. My expertise jumped to the next level, and I have a few tricks to share with the unschooled dad or dad-to-be:
1) Plan ahead: Have a fresh clean diaper open and ready for action. The most dangerous moment in the diaper changing process is the diaper switch. The chances of a "release" during this crucial moment are 1/5. Not a risk you want to take. Trust me.
2) Pull the flaps: Ignore those little insignificant-looking ruffled wings at your peril. Ensure the flaps are facing outwards before you pick up the baby and head out to the pub.
3) Make a fuss: If your partner is within hearing distance, ensure she is kept up-to-date with your work. Loudly exclaim details using a plethora of superlatives and dramatic sighs. The ultimate goal here is to reach the celebrated breaking point where she prefers to change the sprog herself rather than listen to your nonsense.
4) Shit stinks: Throw it away.
Thursday, 16 July 2009
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6 comments:
Thanks man. I gotta remember these things. My kid is coming in a few months!
Just wait till they can squirm and get up and run away from you.
Dude, you had the chance. You could have spent the evening in the pub, talking about communists in Afghanistan. But you were insistent.
the sprog?
I make loud comments until I get rescue help. It works well.
haha. will try your suggestions soon. expecting in a month!
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